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Evil

Evil is in inescapable. It is every where. It comes in different shapes. In different forms.
Evil comes in different degrees of pain and suffering. Depending on who it effects.
Sometimes, we can battle evil and win. Sometimes we lose.
But evil never seems to give up, even when it overcomes us, it doesn't seem to stop.

What, then are we to do? Pray to a God that may or may not be listening? That may or may not be real?

I just hope, someday soon, good will rise above, and evil will be no more.
Until then, I choose to keep fighting evil, all forms of evil.

I shall triumph...some day...



 
I wish....
I could make things right again, I could fix them, I could help them, guide them, and reconnect. 

I don't know how. I wouldn't know where to start, and I don't know if they'd care at all. 

I'm focused on myself and where I'm headed and the only thing I can do now is forget they exist for the most part...just pretend the problem isn't there and hope that when I'm finally settled I'll be able to step in...

I just hope it won't be too late by then...or at this point.
I am 24 and here's what I've done:
  • graduated from High School
  • Visited San Diego, California
  • went to college
  • Lived in Orlando, FL
  • Worked for Disney World
  • Moved to Gainesville, FL
  • Got into the University of Florida
  • Traveled to Greece
  • Traveled to New Zealand
  • Drove to Cleveland, Ohio (twice)
  • Graduated from UF with a zoology degree
  • Got an internship at the Indianapolis Zoo
  • Drove/moved to Indiana
  • visited Chicago
  • seen 2 great lakes: Lake Erie and Lake Michigan 
I feel like I may be missing something here but who knows...there's still so much I need to do...
  • figure out where to go next (career?)
  • See more of Europe (England, France, Ireland..etc)
  • travel to Africa..Australia... Antarctica...South America
  • save tigers (heh..or at least help)

 So today begins my last real week in Gainesville. The past 3 years have gone by so fast. I really did enjoy my time here and I loved being able to complete my dream and go to UF. It was amazing!

I'm really sad to leave gville since I've established a nice set of friends but I know that we shall all meet again! I am going to miss my roommie kayla...she's awesome ::Sadface::

Next month (August) I will be back in South Florida reestablishing old ties with old friends and then September it is off to Indianapolis! I'm really excited to intern at that zoo. I did a lot of searching and I really liked that one because of it being so well known for conservation efforts.

The wiki page for it explains a lot about that..in case any one is wondering why I wanted to go there:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indianapolis_Zoo
(The section on "conservation and research" is where you should jump to)
I am a little nervous about moving out there but at least I will be near family and friends in 3 different states..so that is good...

I'm also a bit anxious about finding an apartment but hopefully going out there in August for a few days I will be able to find one..and a night job..i hope I can find one of those too that I can work like 4 nights a week and be able to make enough money to sustain myself.
 
I have a lot of faith in myself though..I never let me down! lol So I think I will be fine...
 

graduation

 being a graduate is great

this is unreal

 So tomorrow is my last day of lectures ever..I can't believe I finally made it to this point. I've been going to school my whole life and now I am down to one final day of sitting in a classroom being taught be a teacher... MADNESS!!

all I have left are my 3 finals and then graduation..IN 10 DAYS! 

It is sooooooo surreal....I don't even know what's going on right now, time is going super fast yet super slow at the same time..

on another note, I love my Nikon D3100 slr camera..it's the most amazing gift ever...
I have this comforting desire to be around people, not a crazy, numerous amount of people, but of a decent size, and one that is a calm crowd. I think perhaps I spend way too much time alone, locked up in my room.

Deciding to come and sit in the Hub on campus brings me close to people and some how calms my nerves...

 

I'm trying to figure out...

if I just want to be friends, then why do I want him to not give up on me?

if I want to see other people, why do I want him to wait for me?

what the hell am I doing? Why am I being so unfair to him?

do I really want to be with him again or am I just full of shit?

I really can't answer that honestly to myself or to him....

I think i just want some excitement and meeting new guys is a thrill

how the hell did that get to be something exciting? am I really that damn bored with my life?

that's such a dangerous game to play, because guys usually have one track minds and that's not what my intentions are...or are they?

god I don't know...shit..

maybe i should just stop trying to be something I am not, and go back to how I used to be, committed to one person. 

but I can't say that is what I want either because some how, some where down the line, I got tired of being committed to one person. 

If he is who I truly want to be with, why do I still have this urge to meet new guys?

I'm scared of my own true feelings

and I'm tired of hurting him so much, I feel awful, every time I hurt him, a piece of me dies, but I can't lie to him, cause that would be worse, I can't give him what he wants cause I'm not ready to turn back the clock again

fuck what do I do? What in the hell am I supposed to do?

i can't make up my mind because, I do like spending time with him, I like talking to him, I like him for him
but on the other hand, I want to meet someone else

well either way, I have no way of meeting anyone anyway so maybe if alex keeps giving me the attention I'm after, he might just have a real chance...

I have to be careful though, to not make it seem like I'm fucking with him, but how..how do I please myself and please him at the same time?

how am I supposed to be happy for me if I can't stand him being unhappy with me trying to please myself?

how am I supposed to make it seem unselfish of me to do something that makes me feel good despite how it makes him feel?

I care too much 

just so you know...

I do realize what I did....

what happen was...i was noticed by someone else, and I like the attention, so much that I decided to take a chance. Someone came to me, talked to him, and I felt a connection, what I didn't know is that someone is apparently skillful at trickery, lies, and deceptions...
but I took a chance...
and apparently ruined something I had
but I think, that since I am so lonely, I wanted to try something new, I wanted to get over something old, because that something caused me so much heart ache, and I think, I wanted something to come in and take it away

so I took a chance

and guess what?

I've landed flat on my face.

and now I am hated and I'm lonelier than ever

right now I'm rambling

i am so tired...and I can't sleep

I have a head ache
I'm so stressed out

this is not the week for this...
Tracy Chapman-the Promise 
 
If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.